Story

It has been a little while since I have written anything and this post probably will not be very long.  It is 2:46 in the morning and I was just laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when I started thinking about my life a little bit.  I looked ahead and saw where I want to be in a week or a month or a year.  Then I looked back and saw how far I have come from a week or month or year ago.  I also looked at the goals that I set for myself and compared those goals to where I am now.  I am not really where I wanted to be, but I am glad to find myself here.  It is not that I have failed in my goals, just that my goals unknowingly changed as I went along with the life that I have been living.  All this thinking of time and goals got me thinking about why I am not where I wanted to be.  It is because over most of my life I have pushed aside the concept of my "life story."  As I was laying in my bed thinking about life I realized that it is not about being the best person, it is about becoming the best person.  School is not about being the best student, it is about becoming the best student.  Faith is not about being the strongest believer, it is about becoming the strongest believer.  I have heard it many times,"The journey is just as important as the end product."  Do we ever really take that to heart?  I look at my life and see areas that I have wanted to improve for a long time and I am constantly  confused as to why I am not the person that I want to be yet.  I have come to realize that it is because I have only ever looked towards what I want and not how I am going to get there.  If I spend all my time dwelling on the end product, I will never start working towards it.

I often find myself questioning the motives of people that I do not know.  Yes, I know that it is wrong to judge people that I do not know, but it happens.  Why do I do that?  Why do I question the motives of people who have a reputation of doing good?  I see what they do and it is all good.  They say the right things and make the right motions, but there are times where I almost feel sick because I think that they are being  fake.  Whether or not they are being fake is irrelevant to this topic, because it is my own fault that I judge those around myself that I do not know.  I have not gotten to know the story of how they have become the people that they are and that is all on me.  I can look at my close friends, who do the same things, and know the reasoning behind their actions.  I know they are genuine because I know where they have come from and what they have gone through to be where they are at today.

At the end of a persons life, someone might be remembered for the money they had when they died, or for their last act of good or evil.  It is more likely, though, that that person will be remembered for the things that they did on their way to the end.  The 60 years in the middle are going to be remembered for a lot longer than the ten at the end.

Your legacy is not where you end up, it is the story of how you got there.

Doors

As we walk through life we come upon many doors.  Some doors are open and some are closed.  Some doors may appear open, but are actually locked up tight, and there are some doors that you won't know about until you walk up and attempt to turn the knob. 

I remember when I was younger my sister had some friends over for a bonfire.  There were food and drinks inside, resulting in a lot of people walking in and out of the house.  Our front door has a glass "screen" door on the outside which my mom must have just washed, because one of my sisters friends was not paying attention and ran right into it!  She thought the door was open.

The lesson from this story is not necessarily that she should have been paying more attention, but that she tried anyway.  After she hit the door, she realized that it was closed...  So she turned the door handle and walked inside.  If she had been paying more attention, maybe she would not have been sure if the door was open or not and in an attempt to save herself the embarrassment of running into the door she might have decided that she would just stay outside and not go get some popcorn and lemonade.  

I feel like this is the view that we take a lot in life.  We know what is on the other side of the door oftentimes, but are too afraid of the potential embarrassment to check the status of the door.  What I have come to find is that there is not shame in checking to see if a door is open.  Even running head first into a locked door is better than avoiding the door altogether.  

There are times when we think that a door is open and we can see through the doorway a little bit and it turns out that our perspective was off and what we saw was the glint of the sun off of a newly installed lock.  These doors are utterly discouraging.  In these situations it is probably best to try a different door and maybe check back every once in a while.  The purpose of a lock is not only to keep a door closed, but to also be able to open a door again.  

Sometimes we are afraid of the doors.  Not because we are afraid of what is on the other side of the door, but because we know that we can't take anybody through the door with us.  These doors tend to interfere with plans and to change lives.  The difficulty is weighing the positives and negatives of walking through the door.  It comes down to perspective.  For myself, if I don't at least try the door, I will always question if I made the right decision.

So what doors are you eyeing?  

Whatever it is, I would suggest giving the handle a shake. 

See what happens.

Some of the best advice that I have been given is simply to take the opportunities I am given.  Open that door.

Loving Life

As I look back over my life I see that I have often taken my life for granted.  I have not fully been able to grasp the full value of my life.  This is not to say that I do not enjoy my life, because I do.  It is just that I spend too much time on trying to do nothing.

A lot of this post is going to be about death, sadly.  However, without death can we truly have life?  Last year I went to school with a man my age that I never talked to.  He was supposed to be on my floor this year, but he did not come back.  He did not come back because he was and still is battling cancer.  The majority of cancer stories that I have heard in the past few years have been about people overcoming and beating it.  This is not the case with this young man.  He may not have much longer to live.

It was not until talking about this situation, today, that I realized how much I have taken my life for granted.  I have dreams and goals just like everyone else, but I have failed to hold onto them dearly because I thought that I would always have a chance "later."  There may not be a later.  I was praying for this man with a group of guys on my floor tonight and I realized that even though I do not know the person that I am praying for, we are still connected.

Many of our hopes and dreams for the future are the same.

One of my biggest dreams is just to have a family of my own that I can love and teach and live life with.  I realized that someone my age who is battling cancer may NEVER get the opportunity to find a beautiful girl to fall in love with and marry, or to raise a son and teach him how to play catch, or to sit on the porch with a shotgun when a boy comes to pick up his daughter.

Once I realized that he may never get to experience these things, my heart ached for him.  Even though I know he is going to a better place than this world has to offer, it is still hard to give up the things that you thought you had.

I chose the title "Loving Life" because that is what I intend to get better at from now on.  I want to love my life like it is going to be taken away from me at any moment.  I want to be able to love life enough to make up for those that are not able, for those who were not given the opportunity to live past 20.  If I cannot suffer with them, I want to be able to live for them.

Until the last breath, there will always be hope.  I will expect a miracle from God until he takes you home.  Although I never talked to you while I had the chance, it is because of you, Nick Reed, that I have found a greater sense of gratitude and appreciation of my own life and it is because of you that I will cherish each and every one of my dreams.

Still praying.

first time

My name is Josh.

My life often seems very average.  However, there are times when I feel the need to express myself through words.  Life can get frustrating and exciting.  There are ups and downs.  Joys and heartaches.  Sometimes I feel like I have something good to say.  Because I am introverted, it is often difficult for me to speak up during a heated discussion, but that does not mean that my mind is not constantly working.  Renee Descartes said something about the nature of life and death.  In short he said that as long as one is thinking, one is alive.  As soon as one stops thinking, they are no longer alive.  I do not know if anyone will actually read what I have to say, and if there is no one that does read what I have to say my feelings will not be hurt, but if anyone does read this I wish them to keep in mind that much of what I have to say is raw thought.  It has not been thought through in depth and will often times seem trivial or weak.

I better say this off the bat.  I am a person of faith.  I believe that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the world.  I believe that the only way to the father is through the son.  I believe that God still moves through his Holy Spirit, thus making him a living God.  I just ask that you keep this in mind as you read what I have to say.  I do not wish to force what I believe upon anyone, however I would be more than happy to discuss my beliefs with whoever wants to know.

My thought of today comes from the concept of failure and forgiveness.  In my life, I have disappointed friends and family. I have broken promises and spoken in haste. I have made mistakes and I have regretted choices. However, I have come to realize that all I can do is wake up in the morning and commit myself to becoming a better person. I know I will still fail at many things, but I will also find success in areas that I would never have imagined. What is the point of dwelling on the mistakes of your past? Of course there may be lasting consequences, but you can not change the things you have done. All you can do is ask forgiveness and push on. Be the best you can be. Love the best you can. Help those around you. Change your little corner of the world. Keep on going forward.  I have also come to realize that human forgiveness is not solely for the purpose of making the offended feel better, but it is also to help the offender become a better person.  Without forgiveness, one seems to dwell on their mistakes.  That being said, forgiveness should not be given out on a whim.  It is important to forgive someone, but if the person takes your forgiveness for granted, there will likely not be any benefit for either party.  If a person is not truly sorry and wishing to become a better person, do they deserve your forgiveness?  Just a question to ponder.