As I look back over my life I see that I have often taken my life for granted. I have not fully been able to grasp the full value of my life. This is not to say that I do not enjoy my life, because I do. It is just that I spend too much time on trying to do nothing.
A lot of this post is going to be about death, sadly. However, without death can we truly have life? Last year I went to school with a man my age that I never talked to. He was supposed to be on my floor this year, but he did not come back. He did not come back because he was and still is battling cancer. The majority of cancer stories that I have heard in the past few years have been about people overcoming and beating it. This is not the case with this young man. He may not have much longer to live.
It was not until talking about this situation, today, that I realized how much I have taken my life for granted. I have dreams and goals just like everyone else, but I have failed to hold onto them dearly because I thought that I would always have a chance "later." There may not be a later. I was praying for this man with a group of guys on my floor tonight and I realized that even though I do not know the person that I am praying for, we are still connected.
Many of our hopes and dreams for the future are the same.
One of my biggest dreams is just to have a family of my own that I can love and teach and live life with. I realized that someone my age who is battling cancer may NEVER get the opportunity to find a beautiful girl to fall in love with and marry, or to raise a son and teach him how to play catch, or to sit on the porch with a shotgun when a boy comes to pick up his daughter.
Once I realized that he may never get to experience these things, my heart ached for him. Even though I know he is going to a better place than this world has to offer, it is still hard to give up the things that you thought you had.
I chose the title "Loving Life" because that is what I intend to get better at from now on. I want to love my life like it is going to be taken away from me at any moment. I want to be able to love life enough to make up for those that are not able, for those who were not given the opportunity to live past 20. If I cannot suffer with them, I want to be able to live for them.
Until the last breath, there will always be hope. I will expect a miracle from God until he takes you home. Although I never talked to you while I had the chance, it is because of you, Nick Reed, that I have found a greater sense of gratitude and appreciation of my own life and it is because of you that I will cherish each and every one of my dreams.
Still praying.
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