Loving Life

As I look back over my life I see that I have often taken my life for granted.  I have not fully been able to grasp the full value of my life.  This is not to say that I do not enjoy my life, because I do.  It is just that I spend too much time on trying to do nothing.

A lot of this post is going to be about death, sadly.  However, without death can we truly have life?  Last year I went to school with a man my age that I never talked to.  He was supposed to be on my floor this year, but he did not come back.  He did not come back because he was and still is battling cancer.  The majority of cancer stories that I have heard in the past few years have been about people overcoming and beating it.  This is not the case with this young man.  He may not have much longer to live.

It was not until talking about this situation, today, that I realized how much I have taken my life for granted.  I have dreams and goals just like everyone else, but I have failed to hold onto them dearly because I thought that I would always have a chance "later."  There may not be a later.  I was praying for this man with a group of guys on my floor tonight and I realized that even though I do not know the person that I am praying for, we are still connected.

Many of our hopes and dreams for the future are the same.

One of my biggest dreams is just to have a family of my own that I can love and teach and live life with.  I realized that someone my age who is battling cancer may NEVER get the opportunity to find a beautiful girl to fall in love with and marry, or to raise a son and teach him how to play catch, or to sit on the porch with a shotgun when a boy comes to pick up his daughter.

Once I realized that he may never get to experience these things, my heart ached for him.  Even though I know he is going to a better place than this world has to offer, it is still hard to give up the things that you thought you had.

I chose the title "Loving Life" because that is what I intend to get better at from now on.  I want to love my life like it is going to be taken away from me at any moment.  I want to be able to love life enough to make up for those that are not able, for those who were not given the opportunity to live past 20.  If I cannot suffer with them, I want to be able to live for them.

Until the last breath, there will always be hope.  I will expect a miracle from God until he takes you home.  Although I never talked to you while I had the chance, it is because of you, Nick Reed, that I have found a greater sense of gratitude and appreciation of my own life and it is because of you that I will cherish each and every one of my dreams.

Still praying.

first time

My name is Josh.

My life often seems very average.  However, there are times when I feel the need to express myself through words.  Life can get frustrating and exciting.  There are ups and downs.  Joys and heartaches.  Sometimes I feel like I have something good to say.  Because I am introverted, it is often difficult for me to speak up during a heated discussion, but that does not mean that my mind is not constantly working.  Renee Descartes said something about the nature of life and death.  In short he said that as long as one is thinking, one is alive.  As soon as one stops thinking, they are no longer alive.  I do not know if anyone will actually read what I have to say, and if there is no one that does read what I have to say my feelings will not be hurt, but if anyone does read this I wish them to keep in mind that much of what I have to say is raw thought.  It has not been thought through in depth and will often times seem trivial or weak.

I better say this off the bat.  I am a person of faith.  I believe that Jesus died for my sins and the sins of the world.  I believe that the only way to the father is through the son.  I believe that God still moves through his Holy Spirit, thus making him a living God.  I just ask that you keep this in mind as you read what I have to say.  I do not wish to force what I believe upon anyone, however I would be more than happy to discuss my beliefs with whoever wants to know.

My thought of today comes from the concept of failure and forgiveness.  In my life, I have disappointed friends and family. I have broken promises and spoken in haste. I have made mistakes and I have regretted choices. However, I have come to realize that all I can do is wake up in the morning and commit myself to becoming a better person. I know I will still fail at many things, but I will also find success in areas that I would never have imagined. What is the point of dwelling on the mistakes of your past? Of course there may be lasting consequences, but you can not change the things you have done. All you can do is ask forgiveness and push on. Be the best you can be. Love the best you can. Help those around you. Change your little corner of the world. Keep on going forward.  I have also come to realize that human forgiveness is not solely for the purpose of making the offended feel better, but it is also to help the offender become a better person.  Without forgiveness, one seems to dwell on their mistakes.  That being said, forgiveness should not be given out on a whim.  It is important to forgive someone, but if the person takes your forgiveness for granted, there will likely not be any benefit for either party.  If a person is not truly sorry and wishing to become a better person, do they deserve your forgiveness?  Just a question to ponder.